PRIDE

There is a mandatory parenting course for people who are adopting in Ontario called “PRIDE” training. It has to be completed before you can finish your home study – but can be done at any time during the home study process. When we looked at the dates it was offered – we realized with my work schedule if we didn’t go soon we would not be able to get in until November. So… we moved a couple of commitments and within a week of making a firm decision we were sitting in on two weekend of PRIDE classes.

The classes covered things like the child’s sense of “loss”  – loss of identity, family, culture, history… and their need for belonging and building trust. We talked a lot about the logistics of adoption as well. It just felt great to get started in this process we have talked about for sooooo long. And to meet other couples also starting down the road of adoption!

The Girls Reactions

We have talked very openly with the girls about the adoption process and our thoughts and feelings. For years they have begged for us to adopt… obviously not a reason to adopt but it is nice to know they are on board. When we finished filling out the forms for the adoption agency we all gathered around the kitchen table and Mark explained to the girls that we were going to go ahead, and apply. We then all prayed over the forms before we sent them off! That was May 1, 2011 and so that is the day I will say we started the journey… just so I can keep track of how long it takes!

Madi seems to think about the whole adoption process a lot. A couple weeks ago she asked me “How do the other kids feel when a kid is adopted?” I wasn’t clear on what she was asking… so we chatted for a bit. Turns out she was thinking that after playing together and being with each other every single day in the orphanage, it must be confusing and sad for the kids to see a child leave the orphanage. I could honestly answer her “I have no idea how they must feel.”

When each of my girls were born, I had made them a quilt or a blanket. Out of the blue the other day Madi said she thinks we should make a special quilt for our new child-to-be. Absolutely! I asked her if she would like to help me with it and she was excited about that. What a thoughtful idea!

Eden is excited not to be the youngest and to have a new sister or brother. It will be most interesting to see how she adapts. The girls aren’t allowed to share the news openly yet – we’ve told a few people so we told the girls if they need to talk about it, they can talk with those people. However Eden came home and told me she told a friend at school – but she had made her friend promise to forget it as soon as she told her. ha ha.

I can’t wait for the news to be public as the girls are so excited and would love to share!

And so it begins… again.

Over the years Mark and I have talked about adopting over and over. We will be ready to go, filling out forms… and then something comes up to halt us. Then as much as we think we have made a firm decision to not adopt, within months, we are back at it.

For me, the adoption decision started as a teen.

I can still remember the day in high school we were watching a movie about the “one child policy” in China and how they were killing girls as everyone wanted boys for their one child. When I say that I “remember the day” – I have to clarify that I don’t remember the class I was in, I don’t remember the exact year, or even what the movie was called. What I do remember vividly is the start of a dream and the emotions I felt. I was saddened and horrified. Even then as a teen – I knew I could give a child a home in order that they may have the gift of life. I knew that this was something I had to do. I didn’t know how or when – but I knew that if there was one thing I could offer this world – it was loving a child.

The dream never left. I didn’t feel called to China specifically – but what I did feel called to was adoption.

When I went to college, I met and married the best possible man for me. Mark is amazing and balances me in so many ways. But what is incredible was here was a man who also shared my love for adoption. We both came from families with siblings gained through the beauty of adoption. We knew that having been adopted or being born biologically into a family didn’t matter. We both knew first hand that adoption is just one other way to grow a family – and those members are every single bit as much a part of our family.

It’s been over 20 years since high school, and 14 years since I married Mark. And finally…. it’s time. Yep, folks. Many of my high school dreams have long ago faded (thank goodness!) but this one has only grown stronger over the years.